my bf knows how to sail and stuff so we were going to fuck on a boat so when we sailed out to somewhere isolated we started making out pretty intensely and i kissed his neck and earlobe and whispered “aye aye captain” and he said “i can’t hear you” so i said it again and then he fucking went “oooooooooooooh” and started singing the fucking spongebob theme song i wanted to kill him
my fall look today is winged eyeliner, plum lipstick, and a look on my face like i’m fucking your boyfriend and can’t wait for you to find out.
My fall look is simple liner with bold lashes, burgundy lipstick, a gleam in my eyes that let’s men know that I’ll suck their dick, their money out of their bank accounts, and the souls right out of their bodies.
this is currently my favorite post on tumblr
that one soulful zebra in the exile song from the lion king 2
THIS FUCKIN GUY
Date a boy who makes you happy, but marry him only if he makes you laugh deep-belly rumbles that hurt your ribs as they expand outwards. Date him when he sees that you’re hurting and he gives you a moment to feel that pain like a handprint spreading across your consciousness, marry him only if he can make you smile even while you’re gross sobbing. The world is not a kind place. You will feel a lot of pain. Make sure you are with someone who makes it all bearable. Humor is an excellent gauge of intelligence. Life gets boring. Find someone who makes the banal interesting.
why are jokes not currency
why cant i go to the store, let loose an amazing pun, and leave with food